WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
