I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
