we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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