I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
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Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
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All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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