your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
