I wanna passion pit in your ass
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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