just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
