paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
