he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
