So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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