i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize
