we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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