sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
