just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
My vagina is officially offended.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
