i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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