i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
