3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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