this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
