just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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