I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
