My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
