i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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