I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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