ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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