i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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