hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize