Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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