I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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