Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
zippers are such a cool invention
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I just blew my weed a kiss
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
