This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
