I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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