i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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