god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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