just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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