your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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