Christians are straight up FREAKS
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize