There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
