I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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