would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
We have started to decorate penises.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
