I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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