She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
