It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
