how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
