too bad you live with your parents still
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
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