This is not my ceiling
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
