I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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