I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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