My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize