Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
