Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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