Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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