this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize