sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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