dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
