Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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