I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
